


The only way is forwards

by mvltihart



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Avengers: Endgame Fix-It, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Fix-It, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-28
Updated: 2019-08-28
Packaged: 2020-09-28 20:07:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20431703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mvltihart/pseuds/mvltihart
Summary: Steve meets Morgan after the funeral and reconsiders an important decision.





	The only way is forwards

**Author's Note:**

> So, I’m back again! So, I was very displeased with Steve’s ending so I took it upon myself to kind of present my view of that decision and change it?? Anyways, it’s completely normal if you don’t agree and every opinion is acceptable, but please don’t write hate comments just because you liked Steve’s original ending.  
A huge thank you goes to Sasha (@/legendstony on insta) who beta’d my fic, she’s my savior <3  
I really hope you enjoy it!

After the funeral ended, Steve walked around in the field close to the Stark mansion. He didn’t feel like he could stay in the building any longer. His heart ached for someone that just wasn’t there anymore.

He could still remember his eyes and the wrinkles that appeared around them when he genuinely smiled. That beautiful brown that had a special glint when he came up with a new idea. The way he moved his hands as he was explaining an elaborate plan. Tony always spoke with his hands. It was a sly reminder of his Italian background.

The fond smile on his face when he spoke about the people he loved. The firm way he used his hands when he was hugging someone and the warm and welcoming aura that was always around him. _He didn’t get to enjoy enough of Tony’s hugs_, Steve thought and he felt like he couldn’t breathe.

He tried to take some deep breaths, but it felt like there was no place for air in his lungs, felt like he was suffocating. His hands were shaking wildly and his eyes were filled with tears. His normally perfect vision was so blurred, he could hardly see the scenery around him anymore.

Suddenly, he got jarred out of his thoughts by a little tug he felt on his pants, somewhere near his thigh. He looked down and saw little fingers grasping one leg of his dress pants firmly.

His gaze slid to the little girl whose hand was holding his leg, _it’s Morgan_, his brain supplied.

“Are you okay?” she asked shyly in a tiny voice.

He looked into her clear brown eyes, _God they were just like Tony’s_, and gave her a faint smile.

“What are you doing out here all alone, little miss?” he said deliberately avoiding her question.

But she was a _Stark_, so of course she had to say “You didn’t answer my question.” with a small pout on her face.

“I-I’m fine, Morgan, just a little sad.” He answered calmly as he sat down onto the grass next to her in order to be closer to the little girl‘s height. She sat next to him, her small hand still holding onto his pant leg for dear life.

She looked at him with her doe eyes. 

“Can I tell you a secret?” She whispered close to his ear, her small hand covering her mouth.

“Of course.” he replied softly.

“I miss my daddy.” she said, first tears starting to roll down her cheeks.

“Mommy said he saved the universe, he’s a hero!” she added excitedly although more tears escaped her eyes.

Steve wiped them away, his big hands a contrast to her small face. His heart ached for the young girl. She only got to spend five years with her dad before the universe stole him away from her.

“He really is. None of us would be here without him.” he said with a fond look on his face although his mind supplied him with flashbacks of that final battle.

“I need you to promise me something.” he said and she looked at him with a curious expression on her face. She gave him a little nod.

“No matter what happens, always remember your dad gave up his life to save us all, to give you a future. Please never blame him for leaving you, it’s the last thing he had ever wanted. He loved you with his whole being, he would never ever want to hurt you on purpose. Okay?” he continued.

The little girl removed her hand from his pants and extended it for a handshake instead.

“Okay.” she said softly while he shook her hand. Well, she could only grasp two of his fingers. The sight melted the blond’s heart.

“My name is Morgan,“ she said without letting his fingers go, a small smile playing on her lips.

“I’m Steve.” he answered with a grin, but the ache in his heart didn’t dissipate.

“Are you daddy’s Steve?” she inquired while ending the handshake.

Steve’s heart stopped in his chest. He closed his eyes for a second and took a deep breath.

“Yeah, your daddy and I were friends.” he said when he opened his eyes again.

“But you had a fight.” she continued furrowing her eyebrows. _This girls mind is just like her father’s_, he thought grimly.

“We did.” he confirmed, looking down. The memory of smashing his shield into Tony’s glass heart flashed vividly in his mind. His hands started shaking visibly.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t wanna make you sad again.” she said looking guilty.

“No, no, it’s okay. Your dad and I had a disagreement, but in the end it didn’t matter who was right and who was wrong. The only thing that really mattered was that we weren’t there for each other when it counted. Truth is I am better when he’s by my side, when he was-“ he said honestly.

“I think daddy really liked you.” she said with a mischievous glint in her eyes.

“I’m glad to hear that, Morgan.” he replied kindly.

“Nooo” she said while tapping his arm impatiently. “I mean _like-like_, not just like.” she whispered, her childish nature very prominent at that point.

“I’m sorry, I don’t think I understand?” Steve replied with a confused frown on his brows.

“He said you had a very special place in his heart” she said with a small smirk.

Steve felt a sharp pain in his heart, realizing Tony may have felt the same after all. Despite everything Steve had done to him, after betraying him,

_“He’s my friend.”_

_”So was I.”_

After leaving him to deal with the situation caused by the Accords alone. Despite all of this, Tony still had loved him.

_“Do you trust me?”_

_“I do._”

He might have had a chance. Maybe he would have found the love he was looking for in the other man. 

What if Steve had told him the truth about the his parents‘ death? 

What if they had discussed the accords more thoroughly? 

What if Steve had actually told him how he felt? 

What if Tony never had to handle the gauntlet alone in the end? 

What if he was here with him now?

All those ‘what ifs’ swirled through his head which was throbbing in pain. He took a deep breath.

That’s when he realized that tears were streaming down his face uncontrollably now and that two small arms had engulfed him in a hug.

“It’s okay.” a small voice said.

Her words pulled him back to the present. His arms wrapped Morgan in a tight, but careful, hug.

He let the small girl go after a couple of minutes. “Thank you.” he said softly.

“Steve, daddy was angry at you, but he told me many, many stories about you. He said you were a good team.” Morgan said careful, trying not to hurt the big man again.

“We really were.” Steve said fondly, remembering all the times they had worked together. Especially those last times. They were still vivid in his memory. Even with all their differences through the years, on the field they were like two different men. They had learnt to trust each other and they worked like a well-oiled machine.

“Are there more bad guys now?” the little girl inquired, her big doe eyes looking curiously at the older man.

“Well, there will always be bad guys out there, but you shouldn’t worry ‘cause there will also be good guys to fight them every time.” he replied.

“So, now you’ll go fight more bad guys?” she asked again.

Steve thought about it for a moment. 

“No, I don’t think I will.” he said finally.

“Wanna know a secret?” he fake-whispered to the little girl. Morgan tilted her head curiously in response.

“I think I’m gonna stay with an old friend.” he continued.

Morgan furrowed her eyebrows comically. “But what about your new friends?” she asked in a tad more demanding tone.

“They’ll have each other.” He replied naturally.

“But-“ she pouted.

“They can take care of each other and they can protect you and everyone else from the bad guys out there too, don’t worry.” he cut her off.

“Nooo” Morgan wailed, hitting Steve with her little hands for emphasis. “It wouldn’t be the same without you anymore. They need you like I want my Mommy and Happy and Uncle Rhodey. “ _and Daddy_, went unsaid. “It’s not the same without Mommy or the others. I want all of them, and so would your friends,” she said stubbornly, her eyes glistening with unshed tears.

“It’s not the same.” she repeated in a tiny trembling voice that broke Steve’s heart. He stroked her hair lightly as she took some deep breaths.

_God, I’m making her feel worse. What kind of person am I, putting all this weight on a five year old,_ he thought.

“Hey, Morgan?” he asked softly. She turned her head upwards to be able to look him in the eyes.

“Yes, St’ve?” she said in a voice colored with hurt. His heart ached for the little girl.

“How about we go back inside? I’m sure your mum is really worried about you. Okay?” the blond suggested.

“Okay.” she said nodding and took the hand Steve offered when he got up from the grass.

They walked to the house together and Steve let her go back inside. He stood by the door for a second, hearing Pepper’s voice talking to her daughter and then walked in the direction of the lake.

He could clearly see the arc reactor in the far distance, moved to the middle of the lake by that point. He took a deep breath and thought about his conversation with Morgan.

He intently thought back to what she said about his decision to going back. Of course, she didn’t know all the facts and wouldn’t have been able to understand half of it anyway, even being a Stark.

Her childish logic did make some sense, though. When he had come to this century, he had felt lost. His friends, his past, everything had been ripped away from him. He didn’t know who he was, what the actual purpose of his life was at that point.

He had been depressed.

But then, he met the Avengers. Every one of them marked his life in their own way. And _God, Tony_, he gave him a home, he helped him adjust to the new century, make something out of himself. 

And then Natasha, beautiful strong willed Natasha with a heart bigger than she let people see. She gave without taking and had become one of his closest friends in this century. His heart ached with the loss of the two people he loved very dearly, each one in a different way.

_How is he supposed to continue his life without them? How is he supposed to make himself wake up every day knowing that they’re gone? Isn’t it better to just go back and have a simpler life?_

Deep down, though, Steve knows he’s being unfair. Because he may have lost two important people to him, but he still has so many left.

And Bucky is back, which is a miracle by itself. A part of his past is still here, alive, he’s not alone. He knows, of course, that it isn’t the same Bucky he knew before, but he still has him. 

And Sam, caring and kind-hearted, ready to follow him through hell.

Even Scott, who after everything still had hope left and helped them all save the universe. 

Clint, who was by his side even when he had retired. 

Bruce, smart and sweet, always ready to sacrifice himself for the greater good and always willing to listen and offer advice to Steve.

Point is, he still has people here. People, who love him and even if they may not need him as their leader anymore, they want him there as a friend and that’s all that matters.

The thing is, Steve feels so _tired_. Tired of always fighting a war, of using it as a coping mechanism as to not deal with his problems. He has grown and he has finally made a man out of himself.

So, he is determined to retire from the action field. Well, he would always help when needed, _as if Steve could ever back down from a fight,_ but he can just train the new Avengers for the most part.

He thinks he can help the people that had been snapped. If anyone knows what it’s like to wake up suddenly years later, it’s him. So, he can help people adjust. Motivate them and continue his part in the support groups.

He could take up painting again. _God, he had missed drawing so much._ Even when he was on the run, he had managed to take a small notebook with him and draw a little while the others were busy. Small sketches of his newly formed team, but also his other teammates, well, mostly Tony. He could continue his beloved hobby, maybe take up some classes.

He could volunteer, teach drawing to the elderly, help in dog adoption centers. He hadn’t even thought there were so many possibilities before deciding to go back to the past. His mind had been clouded with grief, a sharp pain that wouldn’t dissipate from his gut.

This world may not need Steve Rogers as Captain America anymore, but Steve Rogers needs this new world he has come to love. The world has enough heroes at this point, he can finally rest and just be Steve, a guy from Brooklyn.

With his mind made up, he just stared at the peaceful lake. His focus drifted back to the memories with Tony, to all the things they said to each other

_“I will miss you, Tony.”_

and all the ones they didn’t get to say.

_I’m in love with you._

He almost didn’t notice Bucky coming up next to him, but only almost, thanks to the super soldier serum.

“Hey Stevie” he said softly in his deep voice, at this point it was permanently rasp from all the years he had spent screaming.

“How are you holding up?” he continued while laying a hand on his friend’s shoulder as a sign of support.

“I don’t think that void in my heart he left when he died is ever going to heal. I can’t believe he really is gone.” he said with his mind replaying all the events of the fight.

“I never got to apologize.” Bucky whispered, regret painting his voice.

“He knew, Buck.” Steve answered. “They both did.” he continued, his thoughts traveling to Natasha, her and the secret romance that had been going on between his best friends.

“I never got to tell her goodbye.” Bucky said, his voice breaking and tears collecting in his otherwise serious eyes.

Steve turned around and hugged him for a moment. How could I leave this man alone. I’m not the only one that went through this loss, we all did. He thought grimly.

After they let go, both men looked at the lake wordlessly, each one absorbed in their memories.

“So, ready to see her again?” Bucky asked lightly and patted Steve’s back, deliberately trying to change the subject.

“I don’t think I’ll go, Buck. I’ve come to realize that maybe it’s better for me to stay here.” Steve replied and looked his best friend in the eyes.

Bucky kept his expression neutral, although Steve could see his shoulders slumping in relief. “How come?” he asked carefully.

Steve sighed. “I fell in love then and I fell in love now. I lost my people then and I lost some now. But I still have family left, I still have you from both my past and my future. It wouldn’t make sense to give it up now.” he said.

“If I went back to the past to be with her, I could have a peaceful life. That’s all I want, some peace. But I’m fooling myself if I believe that I‘ll actually get to relax then. In a past knowing that another version of myself is trapped in the ice, that hydra still exists, that another version of you is getting tortured somewhere out there. The fight wouldn’t stop. It never does and I’ve come to accept that. But I can let other people handle my fight here whereas I would be the only one capable to do so back then.” he continued.

“You know, when I saw her for the first time in this century, she told me she had moved on. She talked about her husband and her grandchildren. Told me it’s time for me to move on as well. If I go back to her now, I’m depriving another version of her of the future that she should have, and that’s not fair.”

There was a comfortable silence between the two men after Steve finished his little speech. Finally, Bucky let a gleeful smile form on his face.

“So, what are you going to do after you return the stones?” he asked.

“Oh you know me, I’ll find something.” Steve replied with an amused smile, his mind reeling with all the possibilities.

This isn’t the end for him, it isn’t the breaking point. He has been through hell and back, he fought the fight of his life and survived. That’s what he is, a survivor. Because no matter what life threw onto his plate, no matter the struggles, he always managed to survive, adjust to the change.

His heart will always ache for the people he lost, for all the chances he missed. But deep down he knows that the best thing he can do is move on.

Because after all he’s been through, after everything that happened, after all the pain and the loss, the earth will still keeps turning.

His past is what made him who he is today and he is grateful he got to spend it with some remarkable people. He used to yearn going back, but then he met more remarkable people, filled his life with new experiences and changed as a person.

After everything, he’s come to realize that life is an one way road and the only direction you can choose is forwards.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! It would make me really happy if you left kudos and a comment, if you enjoyed it <3


End file.
